PIP

Effective immediately "My Body aka M.B." has been placed on a performance improvement plan (PIP). It is acknowledged that you M.B. have lost a few pounds and several inches these past few weeks as you have given up flour, potatoes, and rice products. It doesn't hurt that you have also eaten nothing but salads and protein shakes at work for the past 3 weeks. The new pants size and appearance of a slimmer face and waistline is noted and appreciated, however we must discuss your performance as it hindering our ultimate goal of living a healthier lifestyle and yes weight loss. M.B. effective immediately you are required to refrain from communication with the following symptoms, for remaining in contact with them hinders the ultimate goals of team "ME."

 1. The PCOS symptom "Chronic Fatigue" is no longer allowed to visit ME. M.B. your allowing Chronic Fatigue's visits result in extended depletion of energy resulting in your inability to stay awake past 3pm without caffeine or a nap. Chronic Fatigue's visits reduce your productivity resulting in lack of exercise, short tempered moods, inability to focus on tasks, and most dangerous the possibility of falling asleep while driving. Keep Chronic Fatigue away from ME. Your performance will improve when you remove yourself from this toxic relationship.

 2. "Piriformis Syndrome aka P.S." is no longer allowed to visit ME without an appointment. The inconsistency of when P.S. decides to show results in the inability for ME to move, sit, drive, or walk. This effects our ability to work, sleep (which is a serious problem with C.F. visiting as well) take care of the children, or go about daily activities. Additionally the cane is not attractive or convenient when keeping up with three small children. P.S. must schedule an appointment from now on so we can prepare for the inconvenience of it's visit.

 3. "Herniated Disk  of the lower back squad aka H.D." must also make an appointment for the same reasons as P.S.

 4. "Plantar Fasciitis aka P.F." must also make an appointment for the reasons listed with P.S. Primarily the lack of the ability to walk! Additionally P.F. has been ignoring it's treatment options, as such they will be removed in the next round of layoffs. Do not get too attached to P.F.

 M.B., lets work together with the mutual goal of achieving better health, a firmer booty, and smaller waistline. Keeping the following symptoms at bay will result in more physical activity, faster recovery times, more energy, and overall better health. Thank you in advance for adhering to this PIP. Your participation will be appreciated.